Getting my own place in Maui!!

[Skryker]

One week! Good for you,heidi!

It sounds like you've got a plan for helping yourself get through it. That's a good thing. Stay strong-and think of how great you'll feel (and look! ) after spending time on your bike!

[Winston]

Heidi! Ride, Ride & Rode some more! What a feeling it must be for you! You are strong! 1 week...AWESOME!!! always remember 1 thing...baby steps!

I love to ride my bike...makes me think! and think! and gives me a free spirit kind of feeling! and it helps if the scenery is nice! I bet you have great scenery there~!

Stay strong.....it wont be long before the weeks are not counted anymore!

Cindy

[heidiho]

Thank you it aint easy but hey it has been a week or so...

[heidiho]

I do see his side,i mean i would of been pissed if it was turned around and he was a crackhead and pretty much ruined my peaceful life living on maui,i thought i would become a more laid back person and flow into his way of life instead i turned it upside down,but if he says the place is OURS then he cant turn around and say if you od drugs again you have to move out,and i know i spend money on things i dont need and i spend alot so it is not his responsiblity to cover my ass,also work is slow right now,well truthfully he is not working right now,the lady who runs all the wyland galleries told him to put something together cause they are opening a palce in vegas and if she like his stuff maybe he can get in,but anyway,i would of given him the $$ without a big ole lecture,i just dont know who is right or wrong,i thought a relationship was about good times and BAD,so what he is not gonna be there in the bad times.....So confused
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[mummummum]

Originally Posted by heidiho

Thank you,it is so hard doing this on your own(no medical treatment)but as each day passes and i dont call it in,that is an accompishment in itself.

You don't have to do it all on your own Heidi ~ there are NA meetings right ?

[heidiho]

Yeah they are,and i know they say most people if they dont get treatment relapse,i see why,i do need to do something because i hate the way i feel,i feel like i am outside looking in on the world and dont fit in.,hard to explain.

[mummummum]

An experience which I'll bet every person in that NA room can identify with and support you through. And I'll bet they can also tell you that they once experienced all the thinking and emotions you are struggling with about not going to NA.

[rainbow]

I agree. It's fine and dandy for all of us to say "you can do it" and "stay strong" but it's the people that have been through it that can help you the most. Do you have "before" and "after" pics of yourself taped up somewhere? Good luck, Heidi.

[heidiho]

There are n/a meetings i have done that before,but that alone is not enough,and you are right,if you have never been in this nightmare,you TRULY cant imagine how bad it just takes over your whole mind,its just sick,you want so so so badly just to say"Hey im done with this"just stop. It should be that easy "JUST STOP" but then that other part in your brain just will NOT NOT NOT let you do it.It is a force like no other i have ever seen in my life,i want so bad to understand addiction,and HOW it can just take over your whole soul and leave you at its mercy.And i have read and watched everything i can on it,ADDICTION oh HBO was dead on accurate in describing what it does,then i think Heidi this is silly you sound like a weak,poor heidi,no self control person..And really the only reason i go on and on about it here is GOD i really want people to understand that this is such a sick and sad disease,and if i would of known at 14 or 15 years old when i first started experimenting with drugs that it would lead to over a 20 year problem i would of never tried anything.And really that is for the people who think,well unlike cancer or diabetes,addicts choose this,yeah that is true,BUT most of us didnt start at 20 or 30 years old,but as a teenager with NO IDEA what a lifelong nightmare we were about to endure.Ok pms ing i think,rambling on like a kook.

[Winston]

Heidi...you are so on the money!!! We need to educate children at the impressionable ages so that they can learn to make a good choice....but how do we get the message across? I have wondered that myself.??? what will open people's eyes to the danger...Maybe that is something you could do down the road for others that have this issue?? perhaps council some children?? How are things today? Did you get out for a ride on your bike?

Cindy

[hazelrunpack]

Not a kook, heidi. You're in the midst of a transition and it's tough. Best to vent it here so you can focus on what you have to do. One day at a time. You're doing well...just stay strong and focused.

Has it been a particularly bad day?

[chico2]

Awww Heidi,I've watched what I think is called"Intervention"and the horrible way drug-addiction changes people and takes over their lives and that of their families.
I don't know what to say,I just hope you'll somehow get over this,you have so much to give,you are a beautiful young woman,sensitive and kind,living in paradize.
I wish nothing more than that you'll get over this addiction,think of you and your struggles every day...you have lots of people here caring about you,don't forget,ok!

[heidiho]

The thing about kids and getting the message across is a tough one.I dont have kids,but i do know what i would do if i did,and the first thing would be knowing who they are hanging out with..I also would have them from an early age try everything,tennis,golf,surfing etc.Because idle time is no good.If you have no interest in anything as a kid,or teenager you are gonna find it somewhere,and 3rd i believe is self esteem and constantly building it.Man i think having a kid nowadays is a scary thing.And yes i am having a hard time with this,and marks job ended,so he is stressed and lookin for work,so i am fighting it but i honeslty cant say for how much longer.But so far i am.

[hazelrunpack]

You can do this, heidi! Yes, there's lots of stress at home...not helping what you're going through--but think of how much worse it could be...and would be if you give up now. You know you have the courage to do this!

[heidiho]

One day at a time i guess,thanks for everyone for the support,i think it is time to give this thread a rest for a few days.This thread is a downer and i am actually sick of reading my own sob stories about it,thanks again for all the support,but time to move on to happier threads.

[hazelrunpack]

Don't cut yourself off because you think we're tired of your thread, heidi. There are a lot of people who care about you and what happens to you. Please remember we're here if you need to talk.

One day at a time.

[Frenchy]

Originally Posted by hazelrunpack

Don't cut yourself off because you think we're tired of your thread, heidi. There are a lot of people who care about you and what happens to you. Please remember we're here if you need to talk.

One day at a time.

Hazel is right, this is the time when you need to speak/rant the most, and we are here for you !

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by heidiho

The thing about kids and getting the message across is a tough one.I dont have kids,but i do know what i would do if i did,and the first thing would be knowing who they are hanging out with..I also would have them from an early age try everything,tennis,golf,surfing etc.Because idle time is no good.If you have no interest in anything as a kid,or teenager you are gonna find it somewhere,and 3rd i believe is self esteem and constantly building it.

You are SO right.

keep up the fight Heidi

[heidiho]

It is just such a downer,i swear i was actually thinking of suing these damn doctors,just to make a point,i mean i dont even see them i just call the shi* in and it is starting to really piss me off,last time i got the adderralls(he just lays envelope on counter and you walk in find your name and go)he came out of his office and i said,no wait back up i called it in,he called back and said QUOTE 'Heidi i cant get your prescription ready you didnt tell me what your dosage is".So i called back left in on answering machine,go in the next day,office is emtpy i pu envelope and wait for him to come out,when he does i tell him i have been having trouble at home will call next week to set up appt to talk he says QUOTE "No you wont be able to do that i have alot going on right now" i said ok i will call in about a month.My vic doctor i have not seen in about minimum (for my pain issue,) about 6 months ago,i was supposed to get mri ,never did,claustrophobic, and yet i can still call and get 40 vics w/ 2 refills.Also gave me xanax to do mri,quantity 30,no idea why 30 to get an mri,so i now cal also call those in if i want..And i know i have pms,but sometimes i think ,f*** just sue em,because i dont know how else to stop.

[hazelrunpack]

heidi, can you find a new doctor--one that will talk to you and help you through this? Can you call your current doctors and tell them to cancel your prescriptions? It would at least remove that temptation. But at the very least, a new doctor that would talk to you and help you without pills would sure be helpful, don't you think?

Oh, I know this is so hard for you ... and these doctors aren't making it any easier

[heidiho]

I really havent thought of that,i will look into that today.I just dont get how you can prescribe something as hardcore as adderrall without providing the counseling that is supposed to go with it,you are not supposed to give adderall and not do counseling,and the more i think about it,the more it just makes me want to do something about it.I hate when people sue like mcdonalds because they got fat eating it,just like i used to feel about people that try to sue doctors for this,BUT,to be able to just call on the phone and get narcotics over and over does not make it easy to stop.I doubt i would have a case,although part of me thinks i would,but when he said he couldnt see me to talk,just gives me pills and sends me on my way i thought God how will i ever stop.....

[RolandsMom]

dont give up Heidi. you seem to be doing so well. and acknowledging the problem is step one. at least you know whats happening. i say those NA meetings are important.
sending lots of strenth!

[heidiho]

Do you think i am wrong or right about it being wrong just give out meds for months without seeing the person??

[Skryker]

Hang in there, heidi! You're right to be mad that your doctor will just renew and renew without taking the time to find out how you are.

I hope you're doing well.

[heidiho]

I am not trying to lay blame on anyone but me because this was my perfect situation,pills when i want,but i believe doctors should be held accountable when they give them out for months on end without seeing the person,it is what it is,and i got myself in the mess,truth of it all is i keep thinking ok there is no way they are gonna call me in another scrip this time,and i am gonna have to stop,but they do,so as a person like me who wants to scream out help,but the addict part cant do it,i think that that is when they should be held accountable.

[chico2]

Heidi,your doctor is definetly negligent,in not following up on you,actually not much better than a drug-dealer.
Here I'll get 3 refills of whatever I am on,then you have to go back to the doctor.
I am not aware of what Adderall is,never heard of it,is it an antidepressant??

[heidiho]

Adderall is amphetamines.That is the word,negligent,i mean he is supposed to be the smart one,he is the shrink.And i go on the internet,read symptons,go in there,tell him i have those symptons and he sends me on my way with ritalin,that was what he first tried to give me but i didnt like it so i told him i wanted adderrall.

[RolandsMom]

i agree. I think it is incredibly irrisponsible of your doctor not to follow up. i would change drs and see another one about what you are dealing with now. a new one may be able to help you out. (i may have missed something, i dont know, but hope you are not seeing the same doc.) i would also say that the pharmacist should be on top of the situation too. talk to them as well and find out what is the normal practice.

[heidiho]

Thats what mark says,basically drug dealers.I go to 2 different pharmacies,cause the shrink is on the other side of island,so i pu those over there.I just called ins i am covered at 90% if i checked in,which i cannot do,has to be outpatient,left message at www.alohahouse.com Because i did call for refills and got both,i have to go to shrink to pu,which i probably wont do,the vics i probably will.Like i said they just keep letting me call in refills.,well the adderrall is supposed to be refilled every month,but still he doesnt even sit and talk with me like he is supposed to.And the vics,i cant remember the last time he asked for me to come in,at least over 6 months,that is where i want to know LEGALLY would i have a good case.,which i know i wouldnt sue,but i want to know.

[heidiho]

Role of health care providers


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About 70 percent of Americans - approximately 191 million people - visit a health care provider, such as a primary care physician, at least once every 2 years. Thus, health care providers are in a unique position not only to prescribe needed medications appropriately, but also to identify prescription drug abuse when it exists and help the patient recognize the problem, set goals for recovery, and seek appropriate treatment when necessary. Screening for any type of substance abuse can be incorporated into routine history taking with questions about what prescriptions and over-the-counter medicines the patient is taking and why. Screening also can be performed if a patient presents with specific symptoms associated with problem use of a substance.

Over time, providers should note any rapid increases in the amount of a medication needed - which may indicate the development of tolerance - or frequent requests for refills before the quantity prescribed should have been used. They should also be alert to the fact that those addicted to prescription medications may engage in "doctor shopping," moving from provider to provider in an effort to get multiple prescriptions for the drug they abuse.

Preventing or stopping prescription drug abuse is an important part of patient care. However, health care providers should not avoid prescribing or administering strong CNS depressants and painkillers, if they are needed. (See box on pain and opiophobia.)



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Role of pharmacists


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Pharmacists can play a key role in preventing prescription drug misuse and abuse by providing clear information and advice about how to take a medication appropriately, about the effects the medication may have, and about any possible drug interactions. Pharmacists can help prevent prescription fraud or diversion by looking for false or altered prescription forms. Many pharmacies have developed "hotlines" to alert other pharmacies in the region when a fraud is detected.



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