breaking the bond.....

[lezzpezz]

My neighbour adopted a GS pup, who is now 20 wks old, when she was 8 weeks or so. She is lovely and I have offered the owner my advice, assistance etc. in any possible way, as he has never owned a dog before and hasn't a clue what is involved in pet ownership. He has depended on me for every aspect of raising this puppy. I have selected books for him, assisted in housebreaking, feeding, vet care, pretty much everything, as the guy is totally out there when it comes to dogs.

From the beginning, I have felt, as have all of the neighbours, that he is not the best candidate for owning a dog, as he hasn't really got the time, overwhelming desire or vested interest in doing so. He said, "I just wanted a dog, not a problem", and this breaks my heart. He has dragged her forcefully and she has whimpered in fear and pain on a few occasions. He just doesn't understand that she is a being with feelings to. Just a dog, to him.

He left the pup with me for 2 weeks when he went to work in Fla. after the numerous hurricanes, and of course, I was delighted to have her. She knows basic commands, (I did not want to over-do the training as it is his dog and his job), and the owner has taken some time to work with her and I feel that he wants this relationship to work, but is frustrated because the dog is now confused as to who owns her. I realize that I have somewhat created this problem and am now having a hard time with this neighbour. He now sees that she and I have a very strong bond and I am very aware of his resentment. The dog was coming daily to my house for hours when he worked, because I strongly opposed his chaining her outside alone all day. I found her once nearly strangled to death when she popped thru the neighbours fence and became tightly entangled in the shrubbery and her chain. I saved her life. He seemed disaffected and said "Oh well, idiot dog...I'll fix the fence." At my urging, he is now crating her for the day, with a pee break at noon when he comes home to let her out, which is no doubt an effort and a bother. This is a sudden change for her, as she was romping in my yard for hours for most of her life. Cold turkey: it's now over.

He will not allow her to come to my place anymore. Just this morning, the dog ran across the street, (he refuses to fence or gate his property!), and she was at my door looking for me and my dogs. It broke my heart. She does this at any opportunity. I returned her immediately and the owner came out of the house quite angry that she had run off yet again. He saw me and shook his head and apologized. I'm not sure why. I think he would punish the dog physically and verbally.

I am afraid that he will become increasingly frustrated as she gets bigger and unmanageable. She is such a smarty and eager to learn and please. I fear he will give her away to just anybody, and has jokingly offered her to me for $500.00. He got her for free. I would take her in a heartbeat, as she is already in my heart.

What on earth do I do now? Do I turn my back on her and let him try to strengthen their bond? She does respond to him, but hates leaving my house when he says it's time to go. She crouches under my chair and I have to guide her toward him. I am sad that this dog is now under these conditions, even though I was trying to put her best interests first and trying to help the owner, at his urging, to be the best owner and have a great dog/master relationship. I feel the tension between the owner and I and I feel awful for everybody concerned.

Any sage wisdom would be greatly accepted.

[Lucky Rescue]

Another clueless moron getting a puppy and expecting it to understand English and to behave like Lassie.

This dog will probably end up being dumped and by then, may have many behavior problems.

If you want this puppy, I suggest you appeal to this person's sefishness and say something like "I know you don't really have time for a puppy and they are so much trouble - obedience training, housetraining, spaying, shots, etc etc.. If you want, I'll take her off your hands now because if you decide you don't want her when she's older, you'll have a very hard time finding a new home."

Since he knows nothing, you can even tell him something like German Shepherds NEED a job, or she will destroy his house, run away and get aggressive if she doesnt' have a lot of attention, training and exercise.

This just makes me so mad!! Would he expect a 2 yr old child to behave like an adult?

[lezzpezz]

Well as we speak, she is chained outside all alone. There is nothing I can do. I sneak over and play with her and that just isn't a good plan. It pisses the owner off, I'm sure. He has come home to find me rolling around on the ground with her in a riotous bout of play.

I have given him materials, such as the book, "The Good Shepherd" which is exceptional, and he did read it, as he commented about it. I have explained the fact that she can become stressed, aggressive etc. if left alone in the yard, and I thought he got that part, but there she sits in her yard for hours. The owner is as thick as a brick!

He has intimated selling her on a few occasions, but I doubt it would be to me, because he would have to see her every day as we are neighbours, and that would make him uncomfortable. I already have 3 dogs, which is the limit according to our bylaws. So you see, I am at a loss. If he ever offered her to me, I of course would take her and take my chances with the law and have to be extra special to my husband to sweet talk him into letting me keep her, as I know he would be opposed to another dog. I forcast trouble.

[badger]

I really sympathize with your situation, I am dealing with a similar dilemma over a cat Maybe you could just say casually, if you ever feel having a dog is too much of a hassle, give her to me and I'll try to rehome her, without pointing out any of his obvious failings or bruising his little ego any further. I hope he's planning to bring her inside over the winter, if he chains her when the temps are too low, you might be able to get the SPCA involved.

[carey]

You mentioned he got the dog for free. That is why it is never a good idea to give animals away - it is too easy for people just take them impulsively, without giving it much thought. If you think he is interested in finding another home for her, perhaps you might offer to do the screening for a suitable home? Does he even know what he will do in the winter - leave her tied outside all day in the cold?

[CyberKitten]

I empathize with this situation. I once faced a similar though not as severe perhaps with a cat. When my sisters and I were children, our neighbours had a little kitty (small in size but in retrospect I think she was underfed) and they asked us to look after her when they went to England. After that, the poor cat hated to go home and she would meow at our door. What could we do?

The people were not impressed and tried to keep her in just so she did not wonder across the street. (it was a very quiet neighbourhood so it was unlikley she'd be hit by a car but you never know) The kitty was unneutered and ours were and she would show up with gashes in her ear from fighting with another cat. We'd take her to the vet and fix her up. But the vet was an older gentleman (the only one in the area) who would not spay her without the owners' permission so that was a problem.

Of course you know what happened next!!! She became pregnant. Fortunately, just around that time, these people moved to Montreal and decided to leave the cat behind so we just adopted her and found homes for her kittens and had her spayed.

These were alledgedly well educated professional people so for my siblings and I - who were in elementary school - it was a lesson in what some people are like.

[lezzpezz]

I truly appreciate all of your concern. He has stated that he will not put the dog out on cold days or thru the winter. That's a great sigh of relief. He is trying to keep her caged during the day, as the one time he let her have the run of one room, she destroyed the new drywall (big surprise there!). So far, he has been coming to let her out to pee....I have been watching . I am going to try to lay low and see what happens. As it stands, our street is very social, so I will likely get to be in contact with the puppy at least a few times a week to get my "fix". But mark my words: If he does anything to this dog or if the dog is in any situation that is deemed dangerous or psychologically damaging, I AM ALL OVER THAT!!

[CyberKitten]

Good for you!!! The dog is lucky somoene is watching out for him! I wish I had more advice for you but you certainly seem to be soing the right things!!

[lilith_rizel]

Keep close eyes on the puppy. Watch to see if she fears him at all. If he does try to get rid of her, see if one of your friends would be willing to take her in, if you you can't. Best wishes!

[lezzpezz]

The saga continues, BUT I think a breakthrough has occured! So far, every day this week, Josephine, the dog, has charged out of the yard any time I walk by with my dogs, usually at about 7 a.m.. The owner is usually in his hot tub with the dog in the backyard with him. This forces the owner to call the dog while I am holding her so she doesn't get hit by a car and the owner has to come out of the tub in his swimming trunks to retrieve her. Might I add that the temperature in the mornings here is about 3C. Brrrrrrr, but serves him right!

He is getting fed up with having her run out of the yard during the day as well, and has had to collect her from a few other neighbours' yards. The neighbours are also getting angry about this dog on the loose. Just this morning, she broke the fastening ring on her collar, as she is getting very strong and determined. I was out with my dogs, and she heard us and over the course of 10 minutes, she managed to bust loose and run around the neighbourhood, no doubt looking for us. She ended up in a neighbours fenced yard, because the home owner did not want her to get hit by a car. She is very mad at Josephine's owner.

When I returned with my dogs, Jo's owner was out looking for her. He looked very sheepish and at a loss. This is where the good part comes in. I went home and got a temporary super strong leather collar to give to him. It held my 110 lb pyr with no problems. I also took him the dog training class brochure that I had picked up for him about 3 weeks ago, but was uncomfortable giving it to him because he has been avoiding me and my suggestions lately. He said, "Oh, she's getting so big...." and I used this as a segue to suggest training as a good thing to do for the both of them, as well as the purchasing of an appropriate collar. We talked about fencing his yard again, but he refuses, so I suggested the invisible fence and offered to look into these for him, as I know nothing about them and their effectiveness, other than the dog won't leave the "fenced" area, but others are able to get in. Possibly a bad scenario. He was not too keen, as he still thinks the dog will try to leave the yard if she sees other dogs: translate: me and my dogs.

I told him that a $200 investment in creating a solid bond between him and his dog as well as having a dog that is well behaved and responsive to him by taking an obedience course makes so much more sense than having the dog hit by a car and then, if it doesn't die, having to pay a $500 or more bill to fix her injuries. He seemed to think that this was sensible. I even said I would take one of my dogs for training with him, as my latest adoptee has had no formal training, just the basics from me, and he is very well behaved.

He said that he hates crating her during the day, as she wrecks the house otherwise. I said it is the right thing to do, (seeing as he won't bring her over to my house anymore for daycare), and that many working folks do this for the safety of the dog and the preservation of the house. I suggested that an obedience course will help him with her manners if she is left uncrated as she gets older. I said he needs to reign her in and gel her personality and behaviour. I think he gets it now. Hallelujia!!

[GsdDiamond]

You're a wonderful person to help him out. In the long run, it makes it a better situation for the dog and that'll make everyone happy!

Kudos!!!!!

[lezzpezz]

I'm not so sure if he thinks I'm wonderful of a pain in the butt! I know he knows I'm right, and I think it drives him bonkers. I am trying not to be too overwhelming with my assistance, but I think he is now becoming desperate and heartbroken, so I am swooping in to guide him. I hope it doesn't somehow backfire. I'll keep you posted.

[lezzpezz]

Here's the update. Jo's owner was sitting at MY dinner table and asked a neighbour if she would like the dog! Right in front of me!! Oh I was boiling mad, but held my tongue. He said he doesn't want to give her away right now, but in a few months. What the heck is the purpose of that?? He said he has alot of jobs lined up and that he can't turn them down. The lady he offered the dog to said she can't take Jo now, as her aged GS is happy living without a rambuncious puppy hanging off of her. Also said that crating is not cruel and training would help the current owner deal with his frustrations. I'm glad she backed up my feelings.

I then calmly told the owner that he could have asked me, as I would take her NOW, then my husband chimed in with a firm "NO!" I will work on him later. The owner seemed totally stunned that I would consider taking Jo, I guess because the bylaw states only 3/house, which is what we have.

The owner seems to have it stuck in his head that crating her is unfair to her. I keep telling him otherwise, as does everyone else. He says he doesn't mind coming home at lunch to let her out, so that's a bonus! He agreed that he will take her to training classes and wants me to come too with one of my dogs, but I think he needs to do this solo for the sake of saving and strengthening any bond between him and his dog. My dogs wouldn't be in the same age class, anyhow. I would be happy to go and watch and support.

I reiterated that by training his pup, he would have an obedient, faithful companion that he would not consider parting with. He is so close to doing things right for her, and I think the obedience training will push him to the right result. Once he sees that she is listening to him, his attitude will change and he won't be as frustrated. He is willing to work with her.

I was at his house yesterday and he and a friend were working in a tiny "bedroom/office" that has only a subfloor (no tile or carpet) and some metal filing cabinets. I noticed that it has a large window, lights, and would be most suitable for Jo's crate and a radio for comfort, if he could put a door or barricade in the doorway. This way, Jo could have the comfort of the crate (left open) as well as a small well lit room to be in during the day. The owner looked around and thought this was a viable solution to leaving her in her crate, although she would have unlimited access to it. He is fed up with her wrecking the drywall and construction materials if he leaves her out of the crate, as he is totally renovating his house. This room is unused and unfinished and only 8'X8' or so, and would make a perfect doggy retreat!

As luck would have it, a co-worker came by with his well trained 3 yr old GS female, and began talking to Jo's owner about crating benefits, training benefits etc. and the owner absorbed it like a sponge! He saw how lovely the 3 yr old is, and how well behaved, and I think it may have given him some hope. Timing is everything!!

We also talked about spaying Jo NOW! as she is 6 mos(?) give or take and that it would be in everyone's best interest to have this done. He agreed.

He did offer her to me again last night, and I said that I am considering it, but I said I really want him to follow thru on the training and keep his dog, as he will regret losing her when he could have such a beauty. He didn't say much to that, but I think he is listening. Sigh.....

[CaneCorso81]

Wow... Way to go.. I hope that you will update us on this one.. hardly can wait to know what will happen next.

[chico2]

Good girl Please let us know what happens...
I too am sort of known to be a pain in the butt on our street,I keep an eye out for all the dogs and cats and I would never hesitate to step in if an animal is abused or neglected.
But sometimes,like in your case,the owners just need to be educated and hopefully he will realize with your help,what a wonderful dog he has.
We too have a 3 dog bylaw,but I know of people that have more than 3 and unless a neighbor complains,nobody will ever check on you and your dogs,just in case you end up taking Jo.

[lezzpezz]

Thanks alot to all of you for your kind words. It's good to know that I am on the right track, at least it feels right! This guy bought Jo a new collar today and a new chain for the front porch, so he can work in and out of the house without the dog escaping. She seems to love it, as she can see the world go by and people neighbours can now socialize with her! I will see if he has moved the crate into the new room, so he is prepared for work away tomorrow. I think it will be a good set up. Gawd, I feel like a mommy.....babysitting not only the puppy but the owner I am hoping that it all works out for the best!

[lezzpezz]

Well, things have gotten worse. This past week, the owner had Josephine spayed. Good. He says that he won't take her to obedience class, as he can get a few books and teach her himself. He also stated that it just takes time. Also good...he at least realizes there is work involved. I was feeling pretty good about the situation until Sunday.

He lets the dog play with his neighbour's puppy, which is great. Then he took off for "a job" and after several hours of puppy play, the neighbour takes Jo home and says to me, "She's had enough and wants to go home..she's asking at the gate." No problem there, but he chained her to the front of the house alone. After 2 hours, I asked the neighbour 1) Where is the owner and 2) Does Jo have water. The fella says he thinks the neighbour will be home shortly and that she had water during play time.

I go get water and a chew bone. I also lay small carpet for Jo to lay on as the porch is all cement and she just got spayed and it is cold out. I play with her over the next 2 hours, feed her and keep her company, as the neighbour has now gone for dinner and said that he did not think the owner would be gone so long. It is now dark and colder. Jo is lonely. Nobody but me, so I bring her to my house and she stays the night. Owner comes home at 6 a.m.!! and does not even look for his dog. Assumes neighbour has it I guess. My husband takes it home and puts her in the house.

Later in the day I ask owner if he wonders where his dog was and he insinuates that I took the dog, without permission! He says neighbour only had dog out for a short time leashed to house, but I say that's not the case. He is now pissed at me, as the neighbour can do no wrong, (best friend with owner). I beseech neighbour to right the wrong and explain that Jo was out unattended for 4 hours and I had no choice but to take care of her.

He won't...will make him look bad. My husband says he will say something, but not enough. Looks like end of friendship and any hope of me seeing Jo

Now what??

[lilith_rizel]

My, I can't believe that. James and I always try to find someone to take care of Cano if we are going to be gone more that 4 hours. And we never leave him out while we are gone, so he always has the comfort of his area, indoors, to roam free. We just don't want Cano to be lonely for too long. That is so sad. I would keep an eye on Jo. If you see any form of animal neglect, report him. Him leaving Jo out in the cold, truley shows that he really doesn't care about her, and that she is just a possesion to him. Cano is NEVER outside in the cold, for more than a few minutes, unless he wants to play, and we are home. And it isn't even that cold here yet, we still haven't gotten our first frost, and there are still bugs out. Most days it is still 40 or 50 degrees F out. I really don't think that Jo should be in his care, I fear that one day, she may be neglected too much, and something may happen to her.

The only thing I can suggest for you to do, is to keep a close watch on Jo while you are home. Try to protect her the best you can, without upsetting her owner more than he is. Which he shouldn't be. I think you did a very responsible thing, bringing her in out of the cold, and taking care of her while he was gone. If I was him, I would be thanking you. Poor Jo.

[GsdDiamond]

If the friendship is over, then I say mention how he treats his dog to the authorities. He's pissed with you already, for no good reason, so why not give him one?

[lilith_rizel]

I second that!!!

[Ling]

I can't believe that he doesn't appreciate all that you've done and are willing to do for him! I'd love to have a neighbor like you - wanna move out to BC?
And I agree - if you see him neglecting the poor thing - report him to the authorities! You've done all that you can do and all he does it get mad at you for helping him! He can't just ignore her and expect all to be ok.

[mastifflover]

You have gone out of your way for him and his dog, I think he would show some appreciation to you instead of accusing you of taking his dog. Even though you obviously treat the dog much better and care about it. I would agree you have gone to all lengths for him and if he cant appreciate it well unfortunatley we know who will ultimately pay for his ignorance the poor dog but I would report any forms of neglect or abuse. This is about protecting the dog.

[chico2]

Lez,as you probably know,we have no law against keeping dogs outside( )but we do have a law that dogs have to have shelter away from the cold+water and food.
Since Jo is a puppy it might be different :sad:
I would not care too much if I lost a friend,I am sure you and your husband have many and who wants a friend who neglects a puppy!!
Still,keep an eye on JO,maybe call HS,they do go and talk to neglect-full owners,give them a chance to change,before removing the dog.I did that to the owner of a cat and things were different after HS talked to them.
I know exactly how you feel,it's frustrating and upsetting,you will not have any peace of mind before you do something.I know you have already done plenty for Jo,but obviously the moron is not listening

[Writing4Fun]

I have one word of caution. Is this man capable of taking his anger to greater lengths? I'm asking because, ultimately, you have to live next door to him. If you call the authorities, is he the type to cause problems or want retribution? If he's just a jerk, then go for it. BUT, if he's the type to start throwing rocks through your windows or threatening bodily harm, or (God forbid!) go after your pets, you might want to reconsider.

[lezzpezz]

Oh thank you one and all for the wonderful support! It makes me feel so much better and now I KNOW that I did the right things. I have been second guessing myself and it has been eating me alive all day. Stress can really do a number on a person! If I could have one thing and one thing only for Christmas, it would be Jo. She would be the world's best gift! She already is!!

I don't fear retribution from this guy, just avoidance and separation from Jo. My biggest fear is that he will just give her away to anyone that says "yeah, sure" and Jo will be gone and in the wrong hands (again!), or even worse hands, (somebody that hits her or ignores her totally). I would be crushed. So would she. My ultimate goal is to have her stay with the owner who is suddenly enlightened as to how to raise a dog and treat a dog. I want her to be loved by him and be able to visit her whenever I want. Not asking much, just that he WAKES UP!!! and treats her the way she needs to be treated and then he will see all of the love she has to give back!

My friend says that the owner looks at me and sees his own conscience. I represent what to do and how to do it and he is bucking at this and it drives him crazy. What a stubborn a**! I know I did the right thing and feel better now. I just don't know how to, or, if I should approach the owner to try to explain my actions, or let sleeping dogs lie, as the saying goes. What would you do?

[Writing4Fun]

I don't know if people like this can be enlightened. You could try writing him a letter, explaining the whole situation in a calm, polite manner and tell him that you would be more than willing to continue looking after Jo whenever he'll be away for extended periods. Buy or make him a nice Christmas basket, with some goodies in it for Jo, as a peace offering. IMO, making peace with the guy is the only way you'll be able to keep an eye on Jo. Good luck!

[mastifflover]

I would approach him and tell him the way you feel and that you are only wanting to help him with Jo. Make sure he knows that you are available for him to ask questions or for information and that it will be to his benefit, since she already adores you. What can it hurt I figure it can only help things

[lezzpezz]

I think I will let him cool down for a few days, and let my husband approach him and see what transpires. My husband is a man of few words and the owner is a guy who will walk all over someone with his words. Lucky to try to get to explain anything to this guy! Also, I am hopeful that the neighbour will have enough gumption to come forth and admit that he left the dog alone for several hours. I will eventually have to approach this owner, but I will let him chill for a bit and take it from there.

I have already got a recipe for dog cookies to make Jo for Christmas, so she will get them regardless of the outcome!! I am so glad that you folks are out there in times like these. It's nice to have so many strong shoulders to hold one up!

[lezzpezz]

The neighbour has had a breakthru! He says his dog is totally listening to him, is obedient (most of the time!) and he has limited the amount of time he leaves her chained and only then, if he is at home! He said he realizes he had made some booboos, and has decided to follow the advice I had given him. I asked him if he still plans to give her away after Christmas and he said, "No!", because she is responding to him and they have bonded! I almost burst into tears! He even brought her over to play with my dogs and me!! I am ecstatic!!I can now see my "Jo" any ol' time I want! Yeah!!! My Christmas wish has come true!

[GsdDiamond]

That's awesome! I'm so glad he's finally seen the light without us having to chuck lightbulbs at him. Sounds like the wonderful happy ending we were all hoping for!!! Way to go lezzer!!! That dog would have been a lost cause if it weren't for you!!!!! You're an