scary step

[Magicwildwolf69]

so....i took a big step for me today. I called and made an appt to see a therapist. my depression is steadily getting worse. i know alot of it is work hubby's health (scared for him) and just normal life stuff but I've always battled depression. saw a therapist once when i was about 20. didn't like the way she talked/treated me so i haven't been back to one since. but my thoughts have been so dark that i'm even scary myself. so yea off i go. i feel like such a failure though i've gone through 8 years and i feel like i'm falling off the wagon. oh well just wanted to share with people that would understand. all my "friends" aren't understanding. they don't know why i just don't "get" over my problems myself.

[BenMax]

This will probably be the best step you take. Good for you for not ignoring your health and doing something about it.

Remember that tomorrow is a new day. Lots of new things in the horizon that will fill you with nothing but delight. In things that bring you down, look to tomorrow and keep as positive as possible.

And yes...I do understand.

And you are definately not a failure...you indentified and moving forward. Kudos to you.

[erykah1310]

I second the best step you take comment.
"Invisible" things like depression anxiety ect are very hard for many people to understand and can be intimidating.
A good friend of mine suffers from debilitating anxiety and it has take me years to even begin to understand.
If ever you need to get something off your chest or out of your mind know there is a great group of people here who would listen in a heart beat.

[onster]

I think you are very brave, not a failure by a long shot.

[hedgiemama]

Thats definitely a good step to take! You need to take care of yourself to be able to take care of those around you. Dont let the one therapist turn you off, they wont all treat you the same way.

[luckypenny]

Seeking help is not failure but a sign of great strength, mww . And sometimes, while on the road to healing, things can get a little rough but hang on, I promise you'll make it through.

Is there a clinic or organization nearby where you can get help from a multi-disciplinary team? Sometimes approaches from different professionals can help in many areas at the same time...medical, emotional, and practical. We will always be here for you mww .

[Dog Dancer]

My dear one, you know where I stand on this. Don't ever talk down about yourself for something like depression. You are certainly not a failure, you are taking control of your life and that is a positive thing. I know your DH's health is extremely concerning to you, but as was already said, you have to take care of yourself so you can take care of him. Your hubby loves you, and your friends here are behind you 100%. I, of course being your internet mother, will always be here for you. You can phone me anytime you need to talk. Hugs to you and hubby both. Stay strong, you are young and have so much good stuff to come, and it will come. Stay the course. I like Luckypenny's suggestion that maybe there is a multi-treatment facility that could help you. Don't be put off by one bad therapist, if you get one that isn't working for you, find another.

[Magicwildwolf69]

Thanks everyone for the well wishes and good words. today is my first visit with the therapist so we'll see how it goes. i have been feeling better again but i know its just a band-aid. time to get down and dirty and find out what my problems are. You all are great!

[hazelrunpack]

I hope you hit it off with this therapist, MWW Good luck today!

[Melinda]

good luck, I've been there....that long black empty tunnel and I've crawled out of it, sometimes I still need a little help from my therapist and friends.

[chico2]

MWW,I hope your session went well and that you feel comfortable with the therapist,realising you have a problem and looking for help takes a lot of courage.
Never mind what your friends think,they are not in your shoes,are they??
Many people don't know,how devestating depression can be.

[Magicwildwolf69]

Thanks everyone. it went ok. i mean we spent a lot of time talking how i think and what i'm feeling and he was telling me things i already know. i was saying i just need some help learning what steps to take or how to get there. so i'll go see him again. if i don't feel much like maybe we're hitting it off i could always try another place. i am trying some of the things he wanted me to try to do and its hard. i'm like changing almost 30 years of thinking and i know its not going to be over night but sigh. to everyone

[hazelrunpack]

Baby steps, MWW. Small but determined and headed in the right direction. And it should get easier as you go along--once you get in the mindset for change, it's amazing where it can lead you. Baby steps might feel slow, but they still get you to where you're going and that will be a much brighter place!

[Dog Dancer]

MWW, good to hear that you went. One step at a time as Hazel said. I'm sure it seems pointless right now, but try to stick it out with the therapist for a bit and see if he gets you slowly moving in the right direction. You will know if it's helping or not. Trust your gut, but don't give in to every insecurity either. You know we are all here for you - always - especially me! Your internet Mom will always be there for you We know you are a strong woman, and so do you! Hugs Hugs my dear.

[Magicwildwolf69]

Well the session went ok. I sat there talking to him and he asked some questions and then told me a lot of my negative feelings are wait are making me depressed and if i start being positive i'll be happier. so after all this i said to him well not for nothing but i understand and know everything that you are talking about. i need help to become more positive. he said we'll work on that next session. your time is up. sigh i wonder if this is going to work.

[Melinda]

you have to give it time....you may take one step back but then find yourself at some point doing two steps forward, it took me over a year to realize I'd rather be happy and wanted to look towards a future because I "did" have a future!! It took many years for you to get to where you are now...and will take awhile to get to where you want to be, to where one day you wake up looking forward to something.
good luck...and I wish only the best for you.

[BenMax]

It takes months to get over some hills that have built for years. Just be patient with yourself. Take your time getting there. Things rolling too fast are too overwhelming for the mind. It's like creating a spectacular painting...there are layers and layers of paint, lots of time and patience, and creative and postive ways to complete for the final product. Don't rush. You will get there when the time is perfect and your mind is geared gently in the right direction.