Am I Overreacting?

[luckypenny]

I've been obsessing over this all evening. After school today, Sandman had told me that a group of boys were acting silly in gym class with a mannequin . The teacher yelled out angrily, "Get away from the mannequin or I'll smash your friggen faces in."

Ok, so I'm well aware of how a group of adolescent boys in a room can get out of hand. But was there no other way for the teacher to deal with this other than to verbally threaten them with harm?

Sandman had told a vp about what had occurred in class (he wasn't one of the offending boys in this situation...for a change ) and she replied that it wasn't up to him to report it, it was up to the boys who were at the receiving end of the threats. The conversation ended there.

When he told me what happened, I was floored. Even though the threat wasn't directed at SM, it was directed at a group of young boys by an authority figure in the school. Any threat of violence, imo, is way out of line and I couldn't help but feel a sense of fear for these kids.

I spoke with the principal over the phone to let her know what happened seeing the vp didn't seem concerned. The principal was surprised, said it was the first she heard of it, and said, "yes, that's completely inappropriate and we'll address it first thing tomorrow morning. Someone will get back to you."

Here's my dilemma and I don't know if I'm overreacting. I don't want my child any where near a person who has such anger issues and who feels it's ok to verbally threaten children who are entrusted in his care. I'm ready to go in in the morning and request SM be transferred into another class and, surprisingly, dh said just that during dinner.

How do you feel regarding such a situation and what would you do?

[free]

lp personally i would not pull my kid from the class that being said sandman should know that if the teacher verbally abuses him or anyone else in the class he should walk out right away and down to the principal to put in a report about it.

when my older one was in elementary school she was in a class where the teacher was abusive to students and my daughter knew to walk if needed and have the school call me.

[luckypenny]

Unfortunately, when SM was in elementary school, he had a teacher who was not only verbally abusive to the children, he physically pushed SM to the office...dumped him out of his seat in the class and pushed him right across the the length of the school and down the stairs. He could have been seriously hurt. Fortunately, the teacher was immediately dealt with by the school authorities.

It scares me you know . I'm thinking what would it take this gym teacher to cross that fine line and act upon his threats?

[free]

you're lucky they had dealt with that teacher. it took many years before gils teacher was sent on leave even with parents complaints. problem was the teacher was friends with the upper crust at the board.

i would just watch his gym teacher now and teach him how best to cope with the situation, it is one of these life lessons as unfortunate as it maybe he can encounter problems later in life in the workplace and you will have given him the greatest tool, coping mechanism

[Rgeurts]

Originally Posted by luckypenny

Sandman had told a vp about what had occurred in class (he wasn't one of the offending boys in this situation...for a change ) and she replied that it wasn't up to him to report it, it was up to the boys who were at the receiving end of the threats.

Are you kidding? Of course it's up to him to report it! Wow... I just don't understand the way some people think, at all. He doesn't have to be one of the "offending" kids to be "offended" by what was said. Not only is it up to him, it's his right. I don't think you're over-reacting at all. IF someone is that hot-headed over a few boys goofing around, how is he going to deal with a real situation?

Who knows what someone like that has the potential to do.

[luckypenny]

Originally Posted by Rgeurts

Who knows what someone like that has the potential to do.

That is exactly what has me scared. And if I feel that way, how do the boys who are immediately exposed to it feel?

[Goldfields]

Quite alarming, LP, and I don't think you are over reacting at all. Children should feel safe with their teachers, not threatened. Thing is, how do you know that this guy won't react more to someone walking out to report him?

[Dee-O-Gee]

I don't think you're over reacting either IMO.

I would keep on top of the situation with the Principal and make sure she provides you with answers and a concrete solution though. Did she say she would call you back tomorrow or just get back to you?

How can our youth learn to respect their elders when a elder reacts with this type of behavior! Especially from a teacher!

[luckypenny]

Originally Posted by Goldfields

Thing is, how do you know that this guy won't react more to someone walking out to report him?

That thought crossed my mind as well. This is a teacher with self-control/anger issues. I don't believe that children should learn to deal with it; that's not their responsibility and that's not what they're in school to learn.

Originally Posted by klmccallum

Did she say she would call you back tomorrow or just get back to you?

She said 'someone' will get back to me tomorrow but I'll be going in to speak to her personally in the morning. I'd also like to speak to the vp in her presence as well. When a child approaches an adult with a concern, it should be addressed, not dismissed .

Originally Posted by klmccallum

How can our youth learn to respect their elders when a elder reacts with this type of behavior! Especially from a teacher!

I wholeheartedly agree.

[14+kitties]

A few questions for you LP.
Has this happened before with this teacher? Is he in the "habit" of yelling at the students? Could he just have been having a bad day and done something he shouldn't have? Maybe he knows now he was wrong reacting the way he did and will apologize to the class the next time he sees them. Could SM possibly face repercussions from the teacher and/or the rest of his class if you move him and they know the reason why? More importantly, how does Sandman feel about it? Does he want to go to another class or stay with the class he knows?
I have had the honour of meeting the young man in question. I have no doubt in my mind he did the right thing reporting it. He strikes me as a young man with a very strong mind of his own. I would hate to move him and then see him resent that fact. JMO

[TeriM]

I really feel that this should be SM choice. If he wants to move then you should support that decision but I would hate to see you move him and disrupt his school situation. I would also worry a bit that if you move him and make a big production out of things and it goes bad for him then he might be reluctant to share any problems in the future.

I don't agree with the behaviour of the teacher but unfortunately you are not going to be able to shield him from idiot acts for his life. If he was still in elementary schoold then by all means move him but in this case moving him would be a bit of an overreaction in my opinion.

[rainbow]

Although I do not agree with the teachers actions, I do agree with 14+ and Teri .....it is up to SM to decide what he wants to do.

If none of the boys that were involved wants to step up then it is not up to you .....by doing so you could subject SM to ridicule from his peers.

[luckypenny]

14+, SM said he's a yeller but he's never threatened anyone before like that. He's not at all afraid of any repercussions from his peers (they're always very supportive of him) but, he doesn't trust this teacher.

After speaking with him about it again, he said, ideally, if there was another gym class held at the same time, then yes he'd want to switch out of it. But there isn't another class. He does want me to speak with the vp and principal tomorrow morning though. He has another gym class in the afternoon and wants to feel secure enough to attend it.

[rainbow]

Has anything else happened in the past that makes SM not trust this particular teacher?

[luckypenny]

No, Rainbow, not that he's told me anyways. He said it was the way the teacher "lost it" today that has him nervous. And the fact that when he tried to confide in a vp, she dismissed his concerns.

[rainbow]

Even though SM wasn't part of the group, the vp was wrong to dismiss his concerns imo. I have a feeling that if none of the other boys comes forward then not too much will be done about it though. I hope everyting works out for SM.

[aslan]

Lp after seeing how " ontop" of stuff SM's school was when i was there i really don't think you're over reacting. I would contact the schoolboard if the principal doesn't do anything to your satisfaction. I would also consider submitting a police report.. I don't know Quebec law but in Ontario what the teacher did is called " uttering a threat". Atleast if you submit a report and at some point the teacher does act out again possibly a little more physically there is a report in place and the police will act upon it.

SM's a good kid and for him to go to the office it obviously bothered him.

[Love4himies]

Originally Posted by 14+kitties

A few questions for you LP.
Has this happened before with this teacher? Is he in the "habit" of yelling at the students? Could he just have been having a bad day and done something he shouldn't have? Maybe he knows now he was wrong reacting the way he did and will apologize to the class the next time he sees them. Could SM possibly face repercussions from the teacher and/or the rest of his class if you move him and they know the reason why? More importantly, how does Sandman feel about it? Does he want to go to another class or stay with the class he knows?
I have had the honour of meeting the young man in question. I have no doubt in my mind he did the right thing reporting it. He strikes me as a young man with a very strong mind of his own. I would hate to move him and then see him resent that fact. JMO

Very good post.

One thing I have learned over time with my daughter, is there is always two sides to every story .

[Chris21711]

Originally Posted by Love4himies

One thing I have learned over time with my daughter, is there is always two sides to every story .

I agree with you on that L4H....when Ethel was in grade school she made some accusations against a teacher that turned out to be unfounded. I'm not saying that is the case with Sandman LP, he doesn't seem that kind of person, but I didn't think Ethel was either.

If you aren't satisified with the action that the school takes, I would take it to the next level and contact the appropriate Board of Education.

[Love4himies]

Originally Posted by Chris21711

I agree with you on that L4H....when Ethel was in grade school she made some accusations against a teacher that turned out to be unfounded. I'm not saying that is the case with Sandman LP, he doesn't seem that kind of person, but I didn't think Ethel was either.

If you aren't satisified with the action that the school takes, I would take it to the next level and contact the appropriate Board of Education.

Absolutely. I was not meaning anything about Sandman and my comment was just a general one. Just one of the things I have learnt in life, wait for the other side of the story. I think Dr. Phil says: no matter how flat a pancake is, there are always two sides.

[BenMax]

I am probably the only one that feels this way but ..

Yes - I think you are over reacting. It was a figure of speach. Also, though not right, the boys behaviour was probably distasteful (I can just imagine)..the teacher may have been disgusted over their behaviour and just blurted out something inappropriate. I say ignor it but if he should show other signs of anger mismanagement, then react. Otherwise don't put too much emphasis on it.

my

[Masha]

I haev to agree with BenMax on this. I think its a figure of speech... of course it depends on the context and the person and the situation....

I think in relation to pulling vs not pulling SM out of the class, I would ask him how he feels about it. Does he feel safe and want to stay in the class or does he want to be transferred? If he likes the class and has friends in it then transferring him out may do more harm then good. If he doesnt want to be transferred but you still do it he may be apprehensive abot tsharing such things with you in the future.

He sounds like a responsible young man with a good head on his shoulders so i would make this his decision.

[Dog Dancer]

I agree that maybe the teacher just overreacted himself, but it sounds like Sandman should make the call on what he wants you to do or not do. So long as he understands any possible repercussions he sounds like he's got a good head on his shoulders to make some of these decisions himself. I do think it's a shame the school staff blew him off though. Makes a kid feel like "why bother" the next time something happens and it could be disasterous. Good on Sandman though for having the courage to do what he felt he should do

[rainbow]

How did the meeting go, LP?

[2sheltiesmom]

Originally Posted by Masha

I haev to agree with BenMax on this. I think its a figure of speech... of course it depends on the context and the person and the situation....
He sounds like a responsible young man with a good head on his shoulders so i would make this his decision.

Some inside perspective:Yes, the VP should have reported this to the Prinicipal and told SM she would do so. They must follow up and interview the students and teacher involved - it's the Law.
The teachers behaviour, bad day or not is totally unacceptable from a professional entrusted with students under his care and this will be recorded in his personnel file, and if warranted the police may become involved.
The principal CANNOT give you details of what happened or what was done, especially as your son was not one of those involved in the incident. There are privacy issues involved, not just the teachers rights but the students as well. You will be told the matter has been investigated; dealt with; handled and/or resolved.
If you and SM wish to change his PE class they will try to accommodate this request. He seems to have done the right thing so far and BTW sounds like a great kid who communicates with his parents WOW
"Some days you're the fire hydrant, some days you're the DOG."

[BenMax]

Originally Posted by 2sheltiesmom

Some inside perspective:Yes, the VP should have reported this to the Prinicipal and told SM she would do so. They must follow up and interview the students and teacher involved - it's the Law.
The teachers behaviour, bad day or not is totally unacceptable from a professional entrusted with students under his care and this will be recorded in his personnel file, and if warranted the police may become involved.
The principal CANNOT give you details of what happened or what was done, especially as your son was not one of those involved in the incident. There are privacy issues involved, not just the teachers rights but the students as well. You will be told the matter has been investigated; dealt with; handled and/or resolved.
If you and SM wish to change his PE class they will try to accommodate this request. He seems to have done the right thing so far and BTW sounds like a great kid who communicates with his parents WOW
"Some days you're the fire hydrant, some days you're the DOG."

What about the parents? Should they not bring up their children to not be so darn obnoxious? Why is it up to the teachers to have to TEACH other children on how to conduct themselves...what is appropriate behaviour!

Sorry - I think we try way too hard to shield our children or provide easy outs. Look where we are today with today's youth.

If this is the first incident with a teacher who is watching some idiotic kids doing who knows what with a 'doll' - how exactly should it have been approached? 'Excuse me, that's not appropriate?'. I wonder if it was a real young girl that they were doing this to..would his words still be considered harsh?

[luckypenny]

Thank you for that information, 2sheltiesmom.

The principal was out all day but I did have a meeting with another vp late in the afternoon. The matter is being taken seriously and being investigated. Apparently there was another teacher present and overheard/saw what went on. I was reassured that it will be dealt with and that, under no certain terms, were the teacher's threats acceptable. The vp explained that if it was a student who uttered those threats, there would be an immediate suspension. But unfortunately, because teachers are unionized, there is a lengthy process that follows such complaints. The first step would be to address the teacher and others who are involved. Depending on how that turns out, a second meeting follows, usually with a union representative in attendance. I fully support the school's stand on 0 tolerance towards verbal/physical violence. It's unfortunate it doesn't always apply fairly to staff as well.

SM did decide to attend this afternoon's class.

Today I learned that the students involved weren't doing anything obnoxious with the mannequin, they were just taking turns looking at it up close as it was laying on the floor near some CPR equipment. This is what it looks like.

[Dog Dancer]

I can see why a bunch of kids would find the rescue dummy interesting. They've probably never really seen them before. Good to hear the school will be addressing the issue. At the very least it sounds like something will go into his file even if he doesn't get suspended. That will be good for future if it ever happens again. to you guys for sticking to your guns. And supporting Sandman's decision to say something was the right thing for you to do. It reinforces his confidence I'm sure to know you're behind him.

[Magicwildwolf69]

i don't really have any expence in matters like this not having a child myself and all my teachers in school where great just want to give you and for it being taken care of. sounds like you have a smart man there and its great you are a supportive parent.

[Tundra_Queen]

Originally Posted by luckypenny

Unfortunately, when SM was in elementary school, he had a teacher who was not only verbally abusive to the children, he physically pushed SM to the office...dumped him out of his seat in the class and pushed him right across the the length of the school and down the stairs. He could have been seriously hurt. Fortunately, the teacher was immediately dealt with by the school authorities.

It scares me you know . I'm thinking what would it take this gym teacher to cross that fine line and act upon his threats?

LP...it's too bad SM didn't call the police on that teacher, no teacher is suppose to lay a hand on a student.

I don't think u are overreactinng with what the gym teacher said. Totally unprofessional.