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Old January 18th, 2010, 09:48 PM
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Myka Myka is offline
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Myka's Final Chapter

[Moderators please do not move this thread to the In Memory Of forums...I just don't want my dog there]

This is a conclusory thread that follows these:

February 14, 2008: Dog has lump and fever
July 12, 2008: Dog leaking pus and blood from nose
July 26, 2008: Myka - still sick - nose leaking again (bloodwork)
January 1, 2010: 18 months later Myka's sickness is back - Please help!




Sorry this is a long one!!

Myka seemed "off" when she came with us to BC for the Christmas holidays. She was sleeping lots, wasn't her usual excitable self. I noticed her nose was a bit "mucky", and I had a sinking feeling; "It's back."

We arrived back in Saskatoon on Thursday Dec 31 late. The vets weren't open on the 1st. I called the clinic on Saturday but they couldn't get Myka in that day, and Myka wasn't showing bad enough symptoms to call for an emergency visit at the college vet.

On Sunday we noticed more discharge (slightly bloody mucus), and her right eye looked a bit odd, and the third eyelid was "lazy". All she did was sleep on her chair. She didn't care if I fed her or not (very strange for her), but would eat it all when I did feed her. She would get up off the chair at times and lay on the floor where she would pant for awhile before going back to the chair. I decided she needed to see her vet asap on Monday. Hindsight says I should have taken her to emergency, but I also believe everything happens for a reason. So I think there is a reason I didn't take her that night.

I took Myka into the vet on Monday afternoon. He examined her, and admitted he couldn't give me an answer without some tests. He took a swab of her nose mucus as high up as she would allow. He also took blood for CBC and Total Panel. He suggested that she may have a sinus/nasal infection, but also suggested that his worst fear is nasal tumor, as he was concerned about her lazy third eyelid as well her eyes were not symmetrical.

On Monday evening at about 7 pm Myka had a grande mal seizure as she was laying on her chair. I took her right away to the emergency on-call vet at the college. He figured that her symptoms (nasal discharge, asymmetry in her face/eyes, and inflammation of all her lymph nodes) coupled with the seizure definitely made him think of a brain tumor and/or lymphoma. He suggested (as I was already convinced) that the seizures were a major sign that something was severely amiss, and that Myka's diagnosis was probably going to be very poor no matter what is causing the seizures.

I wasn't comfortable with this vet, and really wanted my regular to see Myka. She seemed like she was doing ok, and I didn't want to leave her at the clinic to be watched. I had a feeling the seizure was indicating "the end", and I didn't want to leave her alone at the clinic overnight without me. I didn't think it would accomplish anything but stress her out. I decided to do a couple more non-invasive tests (tests that would be definitive would be ultrasound and CT scan would involve sedating her and stressing her) hoping to find out something that would at least be kind of definitive. So we aspirated her lymph nodes (to look for cancer cells), and did a quick blood test to look for elevated calcium which would indicate certain types of cancer. The blood test we got back right away, and her calcium was normal.

I decided to take her home for the night and see her regular vet again in the morning and get all these test results back (CBC, Total Panel, nasal swab, and lymph aspirations). It would take 3-5 days to get appointments to have an ultrasound and/or CT scan.

I took Myka to the car to wait with my SO while I paid. As I was paying SO ran in to say that Myka was seizuring again. I was convinced that having two grande mal seizures within 2 hours that Myka's prognosis would almost certainly be grave. The vet agreed. I decided that euthanasia at that time would be in her best interest instead of making her suffer longer just to get the test results back the next day. It was an easy decision to make at the time because I knew it was the right thing to do for her.

She died very peacefully with me by her side in a nice quiet, comfy room (they have very nice "goodbye" rooms there). I stayed with her awhile after, and remembered some wonderful times with her. I am thankful that I was able to be there when she needed me most.

I received Myka's test results the next day. Her bloodwork didn't raise any red flags. Her lymphs came back "reactive", not cancer. The college vet still believed that Myka suffered a nasal/brain tumor or a portosystemic (liver) shunt. At Myka's age, the shunt would not have been particularly treatable as the prognosis in a young dog is not good.

Myka's regular vet also said that there were no red flags in he bloodwork and the nasal swab came back with no tumor cells. He was very surprised to hear about the night's occurrences, and said he would never have thought she would have gone downhill so quickly. He agreed that Myka's condition was probably a nasal/brain tumor, and said if the tumor was really high we would not have seen the cells in her swab.

So, in the end we don't know for sure. There was that clear moment at the vet clinic that I knew it was time for Myka to go even though none of us (including her) we ready for her to go. Sometimes your time comes before you are ready for it. I am thankful that Myka was able to go without too much suffering. She was happy and playing only 10 days before she died. I am thankful that she didn't have to go through arthritis and organ failure or other painful "senior" troubles.

However, in the few days that followed Myka's death I was in such shock that I was second guessing myself, and thinking that I had "given up on her" too quickly. I just had that feeling though, the one where you know what's right, what needs to be done. I spent the first day crying my eyes out (who knew I had all those tears?), and cleaning the house. I had to put all her stuff away too, it was too painful to look at.

My mom told me to write something that makes me feel good about the situation and tape it to her picture. I wrote, "For Myka." because I did it for her. I could have been selfish and kept her alive to get all those tests back, and they wouldn't have told us anything. We would have had to do more or maybe she would have had more and more seizures. Everything happens for a reason, and I think I made the right choice at the right time.

For those who have followed Myka's story from the beginning I thank you for your support, and Myka does too!

Myka was cremated, and I will keep her remains. I would like to have her ashes spread with mine when I die. The college vet clinic took an impression of Myka's paw and sent that to me also. Very nice of them to think of that.

Something I did which many people may not be able to understand is I got the vet to take a "token" of her hide which I have had tanned (like a rabbit skin). Since Myka left me so suddenly all I wanted was to be able to pet her "just one more time". This way I will be able to pet her forever. Please don't post any negative comments about this action. I am including it here so other people may have a new idea to help them heal when their pet dies. I would be happy to entertain any friendly questions on the subject though.

The Life and Times of Myka; November 14, 1998 - January 4, 2010.

It has now been two weeks pretty much to the hour. Oh let the tears flow again!!!









A video of her opening a Christmas present:
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--------------------
Roxy - Feb '05 to May '20 AmStaff (adopted Jul '11)
Myka - Nov '98 to Jan '10 - APBT X
Lacy - Sep '92 to Jul '03 - Sheltie

Last edited by Myka; January 19th, 2010 at 07:33 PM.
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  #2  
Old January 18th, 2010, 09:57 PM
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Rest in peace, Myka.

As a relative newbie, I can't say I've followed the story of Myka's declining health. It is obvious though that you loved each other a lot.
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Old January 18th, 2010, 10:00 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Myka. I know the pain you are suffering. When it was our Golden girls time, the next day, I went and purchased a picture frame (a long one with 6 , 4x6 slots).

We went through numerous pictures and picked the 6 best of Bailey. Then we all wrote something special about her on the matting which faces outward. After putting this together, we hung it directly above her spot where she always laid and to date, it's still hanging there.

It has always been a nice conversational piece with family and friends questioning why we wrote this or that on the matting.

It'll get better Myka--day by day.

sweet Myka
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Old January 18th, 2010, 10:22 PM
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I am so very sorry for your loss.
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Old January 18th, 2010, 10:54 PM
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Myka You had a wonderful life with a mom who loved, still loves you, tons. Run free, be young and play again at Rainbow Bridge.
to you Myka's mom. This is a wonderful tribute to Myka. It shows the love and caring you had for her. Please don't second guess yourself. You did what was right for her.
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Old January 19th, 2010, 12:52 AM
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sweet Myka She is playing at the Rainbow Bridge with those who've gone before

Myka is still with you, her spirit will be with you forever.
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Old January 19th, 2010, 12:56 AM
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Sorry for your loss.

Myka
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Old January 19th, 2010, 02:59 AM
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I was one of the members here that followed Myka's story with all the ups and downs over the last couple of years. I know how much she meant to you and how much you tried to help her. She will always leave pawprints on your heart.


Beautiful Myka



I am so glad you have the pic of her with her paws on the rock framed ......it was always my favourite.
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Old January 19th, 2010, 07:22 AM
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Thank you everyone for your kind words, and for taking the time to read this.

I bought a multi-picture frame, and I have some photos getting printed out for it. My mom is sending me a bunch of pictures from her computer so I can pick out which pictures.

Rainbow, I got that pic framed soon after I took it.

I feel better now that I have Myka's ashes back. It was really tough sitting at home without her here, and knowing her body was laying somewhere else. I don't believe in spirits or an afterlife so I can't get any comfort in that, but thanks for the thoughts.

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--------------------
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Old January 19th, 2010, 03:45 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss Myka. Your sweet Myka was a beautiful girl and clearly loved so very much. I think we all second guess ourselves at these times, but our hearts know deep inside. RIP sweet Myka.
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Old January 19th, 2010, 03:58 PM
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RIP Sweet Myka!
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Old January 19th, 2010, 04:08 PM
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im truley sorry, brenda and the pins
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Old January 19th, 2010, 06:07 PM
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Rest in peace Myka. I can say I know exactly how you feel as your story brought tears to my eyes relating it to my recent loss. The doubt will subside. You know it was the right thing at the right time, its just a matter of convincing the emotional side of that.

Norm
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Old January 19th, 2010, 07:10 PM
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I was crying as I read your story. I just had to help my Lodi on her last trip this past November. I had her cremated also and she will be buried with me when the time comes.
Don't second guess your decision. Our heads tell us one thing and our hearts tell us another. You did what you thought was best for Myka and you are the one who knew her best. I am so very sorry!
Beautiful Myka
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Old January 19th, 2010, 07:25 PM
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Sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you
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Old January 20th, 2010, 09:44 AM
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What a beautiful tribute Myka's mom, clearly you loved her and you did what you had to do because you did brought tears and memories ... didn't rest either until I had my beautiful Misti's ashes, wish I had thought to get an impression of her pawprint, took some of her fur though. That was really nice of them to think to do.

So sorry for your loss Myka
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Old January 20th, 2010, 07:04 PM
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Thank you everyone for your comments and sympathy tears. I always get sympathy tears when I read other people's tribute threads too.

Thanks Golden Girls. I tried to take some of Myka's fur, but it was short, so I couldn't really get it very well so that's when I came up with the idea of taking a "token" of hide. I think many people would be bothered by it, but I find it very comforting to be able to still pet her.
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--------------------
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Old January 20th, 2010, 08:02 PM
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I think it makes it so hard when you have a loss you can't understand. We all want to know what is "broken" and how we can, or why we can't, fix it. Even though you will have times that you second guess yourself, you know in your heart that letting her go was the right thing. It truly is a final gift of love.

When my very senior boy was sick and dying last fall, I knew something was wrong and had a gut feeling, but the tests showed nothing, until it was too late.

You are in my thoughts. This is a rollercoaster of emotions. Myka is at peace. Even if we have different beliefs, I hope you won't mind a candle of tribute for your beautiful girl. Sweet Myka.
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Old May 18th, 2011, 12:17 AM
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Oh Myka...I still think about you everyday. I miss you sooo much. If you were here right now you would sit in front of me and let me bear hug you, and you would put your head on my shoulder while I cried on your shoulder.

We had such good times together. I remember how soft your ears were, and how the fur on the top of your head felt on my hand. I still have your frisbee, and if you were here I would throw it for you!

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--------------------
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Old May 18th, 2011, 05:59 AM
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I sure understand the feelings you are living...I think everyone on this board has lost one of their furbabies...keep the memories alive and happy. Myka is playing frisbee up there with other guys who have passed on...she is ok
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Old May 18th, 2011, 06:39 AM
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to you.
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Old May 18th, 2011, 07:30 AM
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beautiful,funny Myka,I looked at her pics and teared up
Most of us have suffered losses and it's funny you should mention Mykas soft ears,I can almost feel Rockys softness.
They are not with us any more,but we have so many wonderful memories,memories that will stay in our hearts forever
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Old May 18th, 2011, 10:00 AM
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Thanks for your sympathies.

Some times are harder than others. It always starts off as remembering good times, but sometimes it's hard to avoid the heartache.
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Peewee - Jan '06 - 6.5 lb Chi (adopted May '09)
--------------------
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Old May 18th, 2011, 10:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Myka View Post
Thanks for your sympathies.

Some times are harder than others. It always starts off as remembering good times, but sometimes it's hard to avoid the heartache.
Myka, I'm so sorry for your loss
I know how heartbreaking it is. It doesn't help that you never got an answer as to what was wrong. We have been dealing with the same for a year. A lot of suspusions, but nothing definitive. Just find peace in knowing you gave Myka a wonderful life filled with love
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Old May 18th, 2011, 11:10 AM
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My continued condolences, I know how hard this is
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Old May 18th, 2011, 11:39 AM
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I feel comfortable "knowing" that it was a nasal/brain tumor. The minor testing we did do at the emergency clinic and her regular vet didn't point to cancer, but there are plenty of terminal tumors that aren't malignant. Her illness was affecting her neurologically. I forgot to mention the emergency vet at the university did that test where the dog is standing and he turns one paw over at a time and you wait to see how long the dog waits to correct it. Myka didn't correct it until she was asked to move in which case she would trip on her turned over paw.

I know that neurological problems like this, her history, and sudden repeated grande mal seizures in a large dog over the age of 11 years all point to a diagnosis that is pretty grave. Pretty much any diagnosis from these types of symptoms in a dog of her age would not be particularly treatable, except in the off-chance it was poisoning, but given her medical history it is obvious her illness was affecting her to some extent off and on for a couple years. Even a benign tumor would be a risky operation on a dog of her age, and maybe even impossible if it was really entwined.

At her age with these symptoms, she died with dignity. I did the right thing, and I don't question that at all, although in the first couple weeks after I did question myself. Instead of being selfish and hunting for answers, I gave her freedom and avoided a future of pain, suffering, and fear.
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Ella - Jun '20 - Reg AmStaff
Squeak - '15/16? - Tabby cat (adopted Nov '18)
Streak - '18 - Black cat (adopted Nov '18)
Peewee - Jan '06 - 6.5 lb Chi (adopted May '09)
--------------------
Roxy - Feb '05 to May '20 AmStaff (adopted Jul '11)
Myka - Nov '98 to Jan '10 - APBT X
Lacy - Sep '92 to Jul '03 - Sheltie

Last edited by Myka; May 18th, 2011 at 11:49 PM.
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Old May 18th, 2011, 11:43 AM
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You did a wonderful thing for your girl
That test with the paws says a lot. We just had that done on our old boy (thought he may have suffered a stroke), but he flipped them back fairly fast.
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"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole" - Ok... whoever said this has never had a sick or special needs baby. They ARE our whole life!

R.I.P. my sweet, handsome Thorin. You are missed dearly Dec. 25, 1999 - Mar. 4, 2012
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Old May 18th, 2011, 11:54 AM
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Thanks Rgeurts, I believe so too.

Thanks for your kind thoughts too Marko.
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Streak - '18 - Black cat (adopted Nov '18)
Peewee - Jan '06 - 6.5 lb Chi (adopted May '09)
--------------------
Roxy - Feb '05 to May '20 AmStaff (adopted Jul '11)
Myka - Nov '98 to Jan '10 - APBT X
Lacy - Sep '92 to Jul '03 - Sheltie
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Old May 18th, 2011, 01:27 PM
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The passing of time doesn't dull our love for the ones we have lost. Everyday there are reminders that our loved one isn't by our side. And, some days, it hurts more than others. I'm sorry you are having a rough time. Its hard. I still allow myself a good cry at times for my two Scotties who have passed.
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  #30  
Old May 18th, 2011, 07:05 PM
Longblades Longblades is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,528
I'm very sorry for your loss.
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