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Old July 30th, 2007, 04:46 PM
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Will be gone for awhile!Relapse

Bad bad relapse,i am lwaving job,i cannot focus on getting sober and also working worrying etc.I had a bad bad relapse w/adderrall and i am not in good shape,was supposed to work 2 more weeks,but i have really bad painful wounds again,and they are infected,i have bills to pay that is why i am at work,but my girlfriend just told mark for me,i was afraid to,and he wants me to walk out right now,and go home and rest,then i am going to arizona for 2 weeks.I just cant walk out of work though and leave boss high and dry.I also cant make it much longer these wounds are so painful and it is hot in here so sweating is not helping,anyway dont know if i will be here to respond,but just wanted to let you know why i will be gone.
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Last edited by heidiho; August 3rd, 2007 at 07:37 PM. Reason: hate that word
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Old July 30th, 2007, 04:51 PM
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Heidiho! Take the time you need!! We will be here for anytime you want to chat! or for support! I certainly cant even imagine how painful this is! But please take baby steps! Dont worry about anyone other than yourself! If you have to leave and explain yourself later I think people will understand!

I hope everything works out in Arizona! Do you have any family there?

Cindy
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Old July 30th, 2007, 05:02 PM
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Yes my parents and best friend,i am gonna leave,i keep looking at the sores on my chest and i need to stop cause i am really flipping out
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Old July 30th, 2007, 05:16 PM
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Get it done this time Heidi

~ blessings.
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Old July 30th, 2007, 05:38 PM
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OH NO Heidi ....I am so sorry you have to go through this again. :sad: You have to leave work now....YOU come FIRST. And, you have to get well again for Roxy.

Hang in there.....YOU can do it.
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Old July 30th, 2007, 05:46 PM
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Heidi, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I'm not around much but I always look for an update on you. Take your time to recover. You're in my thoughts and prayers always.
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Old July 30th, 2007, 06:01 PM
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I'm sorry Heidiho :frown: Now you really have to take care of yourself and work 100% on getting red of this. But , if you don't mind asking , why do you have wounds ?

Last edited by Frenchy; July 31st, 2007 at 09:30 PM.
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Old July 31st, 2007, 02:16 AM
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Good luck Heidiho. Lots of people here cheering for you and hoping you can beat this once and for all .
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Old July 31st, 2007, 07:45 AM
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Heidi, I want all good things to happen for you. I'll be praying for you !! I hope you'll get a chance to get back on line soon. Take care of yourself !!
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Old July 31st, 2007, 08:44 AM
Jim Hall Jim Hall is offline
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Hope you get better soon it sounds like you have a great boss and some wonderfull people who love you and that makes it a lot easier
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  #11  
Old July 31st, 2007, 01:25 PM
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Heidiho,

I know a bit about sobriety. I have a little over 21 years worth.

Slow down. Practice taking long, deep breaths. Focus on what's in front of you, and don't worry about the rest. (If it's not in front of you, you can't do anythng about it anyway.) And when that's resolved, then move on to the next issue.

It sounds like you have some good people around you. Give yourself some time to compose your thoughts, so you'll be able to ask for support you actually need. I think they'll understand and appreciate an uncluttered request.

If you're taking your meds in accordance to your doctor's instructions, then it's not a relapse. If need be, let your sponser have physically possession/control of the meds. If your sponser's not comfortable handling them, see if your grandsponser will do it. The point is, your support group is exactly that, your support group. They won't say no to a responsible request.

One day at a time.

Darryl
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  #12  
Old July 31st, 2007, 04:02 PM
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Oh no Heidi,I am so sorry,I remember the terrible wounds you had the last time:frown:
Why Arizona,is it not where you had the most trouble??
Hope you are making the right choice
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  #13  
Old July 31st, 2007, 11:39 PM
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Sorry to hear you're having trouble again, heidi. Kick it this time, okay! We're all rootin' for you!

Be well!
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Old August 1st, 2007, 12:34 PM
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Get well soon.
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  #15  
Old August 1st, 2007, 12:39 PM
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Good Luck, I hope you have a good support network and are feeling better soon! It must be very tough, but hang in there!
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  #16  
Old August 1st, 2007, 10:05 PM
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You haven't been back here Heidiho. So I guess you already left for Arizona. I think you have my e-mail adress. Please keep us posted as soon as you can. The most important thing right now is you , we will worry until we hear back from you. I wish Mark was part of this forum so he could keep us posted . Please take care of yourself
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Old August 1st, 2007, 10:56 PM
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I am so sorry to hear your news Heidi!! I do hope you'll be OK. Take all the time you can and take care of yourself!! My thoughts are with you!! remember that prayer of serenity people in AA use (if I can recall how it goes - some of the best people I have met are recovering from some kind of an addiction):

Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

This is the entire one - looked it up , I am not that with it nor had I ever heard the entire one, seems good: (except I am not sure God has a gender <Ducking, lol>. Seriously, it's a good prayer tho prob needs some updating re language tho being pc is not all that it's cut out to be, lol . I just do not want to offend people who do not believe in God or have a different religious viewpoint than I do. Take care Heidi - look forward to seeing you when you feel ready and well enough to return!!



God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr
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Old August 2nd, 2007, 01:46 AM
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Get well soon Heidi.
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Old August 2nd, 2007, 05:31 AM
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Awww Heidi, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Get well soon!
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Old August 2nd, 2007, 08:56 AM
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Hi heidi,

sometimes I feel like I don't say enough encouraging things, and maybe you feel like I'm only around when you are having trouble. I just wanted you to know that I think about you, and I hope that you get better soon.

I just met up with one of my friends from my past, and he has problems with addiction as well, and it occured to me how hard it's been for him, because so many people have stopped being his friend. So it was like a reminder, he knows that I'll always be there for him, not as much because I have kids and can't have him sick in front of them, but I am his friend and am still there for him.

So, I want you to know, no judgement, I'm here for you, as a friend, as an anonymous person who will simply listen when you need or to pass on advice when you want.

Take care of you, and I hope your visit goes well.
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Old August 2nd, 2007, 08:26 PM
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Take care Heidiho. I've known you a long time now and I know you'll come through this. Your parents were there for you before, so I'm sure the decision to return to Arizona is because you're really serious about beating this thing. Remember they love you always and will look out for your best interests. Stay away from those former "friends" who only messed with your head. I know you feel like a loser right now, but you have so much compassion and good in you. You deserve a good life. You've always not allowed yourself to believe in yourself. Your friends here are not judgmental. We truly care about you.
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Old August 2nd, 2007, 10:12 PM
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Hey hey lots of good vibes coming this way. Hoping you get better again. Remember we're here for you



Megan
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  #23  
Old August 3rd, 2007, 05:22 PM
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Yeah those wounds,they are because i relapsed with the adderrall which is amphetamines,so when i cant sleep i would just mess with my skin and because i would do it for hours they became like sores,went to doctor they are getting better,i made sure to do it where it couldnt be seen,i finanlly told mark after about 3 days of hiding it,then i just lost it monday and he told me just to leave work and come home,boss actaully said ok to come back,so i am here til aug 10,then i am done with this job,which i dont think i could do much more of,way to boring and to much time to think,my skin is healing,very hard to look at without making me lose it,.I am very very confused i know i am super homesick,but there is alot of $ needed if i want to move back and even then i would have to live with my gf who has 2 kids there and a doberman and a dachshund so i dont know how i will get roxy and them to get along,and yes if i move back there i would have to be very careful.I just dont know what iwant anymore,but i know i need to at least go visit my friends and family.So i will be here til wednesday,then the girl that worked here before me comes back and i have to re train her.
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  #24  
Old August 3rd, 2007, 05:26 PM
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Heidi, you need to get clean sober. Plain and simple.
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Old August 3rd, 2007, 05:47 PM
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That is really all there is to say,mark said the same thing,and the doctor also let me have it to,mark isnt even sure at this point if he can deal with this anymore cause he feels helpless,it is getting pretty old for everyone,i am gonna spend this weekend resting and thinking about all of this,because i am pretty much running out of options and everyone is getting sick of it,except my girlfriend in az who will take me into her home in a second.
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"With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?"
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Old August 3rd, 2007, 05:53 PM
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Your choice Heidi ~ life or a slow death.
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  #27  
Old August 3rd, 2007, 06:46 PM
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Yeah i know,and i have my moments where i think "With all these relapses i should just give in'But no matter what happens i know i cant.And iam right back where i started again,and times like this(i am extremely worn out mentally and physcially right now,ready to go home and just sleep and sleep)i just dont think i have it in me to try and fight it anymore,even my parents dont want me to come home,i mean they would take me in,but i think they have had enough to.
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Old August 3rd, 2007, 07:09 PM
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Heidiho!! Nice to hear from you again! I agree with Mum3 ! It may hurt to hear it but it is true..plain and simple...

Do you need to go to Arizona? Or is there somewhere there that you can go? Maybe that would be easier on you physically you know? All that said thanks for checking in with us !! I am sure everyone has been concerned..

Cindy
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Sophie Aug 30, 2011

"UNTIL ONE HAS LOVED AN ANIMAL, PART OF THEIR SOUL REMAINS UNAWAKENED"
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
-Unknown
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  #29  
Old August 3rd, 2007, 07:14 PM
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I think what i am gonna do is after next week,go visit az for a week and see how i feel then about living there again,right now i am just really homesick,and back on the suboxen which for some reason knocks me out the last 3 days that is all i did was sleep.So i know i am not thinking totally clearly right now,boy i sure will miss roxy that week,whatever happens she is going with me.
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Old August 3rd, 2007, 07:41 PM
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I'm so glad to hear from you Heidiho ! I think M3X said it best, you must get clean. You have to think where it will be easier for you to get help. Maui ? Or Arizona ? I really wish I could help you , but right now , only you can do it.
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