SO many rude people!

[Angeleyes1437]

Today my boyfriend was looking through this forum and just turned me as said "wow, it seems like everyone on here is rude to each other- that is so strange!". In a way it's true. He belongs to many forums where people discuss things, joke around and just educate each other or debate nicely.

Between people trolling others, twisting posts, saying "thats not the advice I asked for" and God knows what else it becomes almost annoying to come on this forum. Thats not a very good reputation to have. I know speaking about animals can be a controversial and touchy topic for us all- but why do so many people have a problem being rational and nice? If someone gives you advice you don't like, just ignore it or state your points.

It's almost impossible for some people to get a word in edgewise once a group is formed against them... and frankly it chases people away! So many people I have spoken to recently say "I don't post much because everyone here twists posts, gets angry so quickly, are just looking for fights, etc".

I like a lot of people on this forum, yet sometimes I feel like it's too much of a hassle to deal with so many people being rude. I've never experienced something like this on a forum to the extent of this forum. I enjoy speaking to a lot of you, but I'm seriously considering not even coming back on here.

Does anyone feel this way?

[badger]

I take it that's a yes?

[Angeleyes1437]

Originally Posted by badger

I take it that's a yes?

From me???

[DogueLover]

I think a lot of times compassion for the animals brings out the nasty in all of us.
Newbies seem to take a lot of it from long time members. This site is supposed to be a place to come for advice and a lot of times the newbies don`t know what they are getting into.
Have any of you ever done a search on the web for advice on pet pregnancy, breeding, breeders etc? Knowing that this site is very anti breeding I find it amazing how many times it is one of the first sites recommended for advice when doing a web search on breeding, breeders, and pet pregnancy questions.
I try to keep myself thinking how I would feel if it were me in the newbies shoes and a lot of times they leave the site with NO information that will help them and that puts the pet in a dangerous situation.

Maybe if we can just try to keep our compassion in check and remember that they found this site somehow ( most of the time from doing an internet search) and they are truly looking for answers that can help them.
Lets remember that if we chase them away their pet will more than likely still NOT go to a vet and that can lead to more serious issues.

[Angeleyes1437]

DogueLover- I agree with you. I don't know what is going on with some people here (...some SERIOUS senior members too!) who seem like they are always looking for fights. It's actually funny in a way that adults will act so immaturely- but annoying at times... who wants to deal with people acting like that?

I do my best to keep my day happy and stress-free... the last thing I will allow is some troll putting me in a bad mood.

[Rottielover]

I just took it ! mind you not many people who are thinking about giving up a dog will, if any......I did what will be best for my beloved pet. And I am looking forward to continue working on her, should I say my BF will continue with her.

[badger]

Right. I'm often amazed by how heated things get on this board - I occasionally get a little heated myself, when someone just isn't getting it, while their animal bleeds to death - but I think that's all part of the mix. Sticks and stones, outweighed by alot of good information and a second (or third or fourth) chance for animals that would otherwise have none. And that's what counts for me.

[Angeleyes1437]

Originally Posted by badger

Right. I'm often amazed by how heated things get on this board - I occasionally get a little heated myself, when someone just isn't getting it, while their animal bleeds to death - but I think that's all part of the mix. Sticks and stones, counterbalanced by alot of good information and a second (or third or fourth) chance for animals that would otherwise have none.

You are right... there is a lot of good. However I see WAY too many people getting rude or crazy for no reason. It's a shame, ... we don't want to chase people away- and like I said, I have been considering leaving the forum as well... after approximately a month and 300 posts. I can TOTALLY understand getting rude with certain people- like BYB's who just don't get it, people who won't bring their animals to the vet and so forth... but over a simple topic like "Should I let my dog lick my face?" I wouldn't expect people to argue and be SO rude. It's just obnoxious.

[Writing4Fun]

I find there are periods when it gets too nasty and everyone gets "told" by the mods or admins to play nice, maybe one poster takes it too far and gets "banned" (the admins hate doing that, btw, so please don't give them a reason to!). Then there's a lull where everyone is extra-polite, lots of happy smilies. I've found that it also depends on the current social climate as well. When BSL was first being introduced, there was a big flare-up in tempers. When someone posts about a controvercial(sp?) political/religious topic, you'll have emotions running high. And those tempers will carry onto seeminly innocuous topics - since two posters were arguing elsewhere, it seems they read more into each others' posts from that point onwards.

Yeah, I've backed off from the board when I thought it was getting to be too much to handle. For the most part, though, I think this is a great board and it's worth visiting. A lot of off-line friendships have blossomed because of this board. A lot of wonderful advice has been posted. Sure, if there's a troll, or if someone's pet is bleeding from both ends and they "were waiting to see if it got better" or "don't want to spend the money if they don't have to", you'll see people hit the roof. All in all, I feel they're a great bunch of people - as animal lovers usually are.

[Melinda]

I haven't been here all that long, but I find it is a very nasty place at times, people come for help and get told off, I've gotten a lot of good advice mind you, and have tried to give a bit of imput, sometimes I'm scared to say what I really think. If someone has to find a new home for their pet, there is a reason, no use telling them to keep it or how to keep it, how to sneak it into somewhere, if they've decided to find it a new home, they've come here for help in locating that home. But, thats just my feelings *L* Maybe I"m just over sensitive? I really love coming here and it is addictive *L* So here I'll stay

[marko]

I like this poll! (I have edited a bit of the wording for clarity)

Personally I agree that many people are way too rude!

Please continue adding comments - and if I may suggest, please write your opinions on what you think the ADMINS should do about this.

Thanks

Marko
ADMIN

[Angeleyes1437]

I will always push for someone to keep their pet- but if there is no way for a good reason I am an understanding person.

However, ... as for the Admins I really can't see how you can sensor everyone into being nice.... I just can't. I guess maybe if you keep track of the CRAZY posts or the REALLY RUDE posts you can see who has a habit of being this way and perhaps ask them to lighten up- it's embarassing for an ADMIN to HAVE to ask you to be mature and civil. Maybe that can help... or you can implement a TOS... something against trolling as well. Who knows, it's hard because there is freedom of speech, we can all be miserable all the time if we really want to.

Yet, I don't think when someone is down right rude and someone else sticks up for themselves or gets rude back that they should be punished... I don't think anyone should allow themselves to be treated poorly, and I for one will stick up for myself- but I won't stoop down to some of these idiotic fights, when I think it is at the point of no return with someone irrational I simply state that I will no longer read their posts... and I don't. Although I don't feel it should EVER get to this point.

People often misunderstand a post, or don't read the posts fully and then post something mean in an ignorant manner. That is the worst because they are completely uninformed and telling someone off for something they might have misunderstood.

It's a shame that such a wonderful forum can really get ruined by some bad apples.

[SnowDancer]

Personally I find this board quite moderate. I used to participate in a board that was breed specific. OH BOY! I like the mix of pets as so many illnesses are not breed specific and many of us have had different breeds so often can pinpoint a problem or be aware of a symptom that would seem minor when it is in fact indicative of a major event about to happen. Sure the board can get a bit heated but at least you are allowed to "suggest" that your own breed of dog can have a tendency to be aggressive without getting creamed - particularly by people whose daily posts deal with the aggressive aspects of the breed. So I like this board. Do get upset though when a dog or other pet is obviously seriously ill yet someone takes time to open an account. Not me - vet first - and the report back.

[kandy]

I voted that I haven't had any problems because personally I don't feel that I've ever been jumped on or had anyone be rude to me. But I have to say that I tend to stay away from the threads that look like they can get nasty. I do have a pretty thick skin, so maybe I have been insulted and just don't realize it!

Anyway, I have noticed that any topic related to breeding will get everyone worked up and lately there seems to be quite a large number of threads that have been pushing really touchy subjects. I have to wonder if that's why people have been getting irate so fast - it seems like there are so many threads where people won't take responsibility for their own actions or just want everyone else to validate their choices.

After all, this is a forum dedicated to the loving and humane treatment of animals and anyone who asks a question that implies less than total devotion to your animal will likely get smacked. What some people don't seem to realize is that everyone has different views on what 'total devotion' should entail.

I think that overall this site is really great and I agree that the moderators would have a really tough time trying to censor every thread. The only thing I could suggest is maybe to search for all capitol letters in a thread which normally indicates someone is yelling (at least that's how I read all caps). In my mind, you shouldn't post a thread that contains information you wouldn't discuss with a stranger - I was always taught that you should never discuss religion, politics or money unless you want to provoke an argument. I try to follow that advice.

[Kismutt]

IMO this board is nasty most of the time. I see newcomers being bashed to the point they just leave. It is too bad, because the new people could learn some "better" ways, but instead they are attacked by senior members.

There are ways of telling people in a more gentle way with whatever it is you think is not right. Examples: "free to good homes", "breeding", "puppymills" etc.

[Melinda]

*raises my hand* ummm what is "trolling"? I've seen it mentioned often in here and have no idea what it is...all I can think of is either fishing from a slow moving boat (I love that type of trolling) or those little naked guys with the big hair we collected in the 70's *L*

[Angeleyes1437]

Originally Posted by Melinda

*raises my hand* ummm what is "trolling"? I've seen it mentioned often in here and have no idea what it is...all I can think of is either fishing from a slow moving boat (I love that type of trolling) or those little naked guys with the big hair we collected in the 70's *L*

People who troll are people who just want to fight or get everyone mad. For instance it's like someone going into the BSL thread and saying "ALL PIT BULL BREEDS ROTTIES AND DOBERMANS SHOULD DIE!!!" because we would all flip out in anger. Sometimes people even create a new name to troll and then use their regular name to make good points and look good to others. It's quite insane! lol. Trolling basically is instigating...that's pretty much the best explanation for it IMO.

[CyberKitten]

Do you mean on this Board specifically? The question is not clear (and written like a new university student with "like" in it - I'd have send it back is domeone sent that in to me, not that I see too much undergrad work.

And it's not mutually exclusive or exhaustive so none of the replies applies to how I feel.

Thus, I did not respond to it.

And please don't take my unsoliticted advice as rude - You may not have much experience in questionnnaire design and are doing the best you can and in that event, I guess the topic does arise from time to time. I myself am abyssal at keyboarding and do not mind people offering me advice - it's not my forte and I have no plans to study it but if anyone wants to crtique it, it does not bother me.

I can't honestly agree that people here are rude. Every now and then someone will say something that is hurtful or comes across as somewhat on the mean side but I figure maybe they've had a bad day - which we are all entitled to or they just are not the sort of person I do not want to know. Given that it is a public Board and one has the option to join or not to join, I can decide whether I want to respnd to that person. Sometimes, if someone makes a comment I deem politically incorrect or hurtful, I will tell them how I fell. Most of the time, they are gracious about it. If they are not, they says more about them yet again.

I do not like rude people (can barely abide them the truth be known) and if I thought this was a chracteristic that delinated this site, I would not frequent the place. But it is not something I experience often here. We do have strong opinions on this site but we are all very vocal and dedicated lobbyists on behalf of our pets. That is bound to elicit very volitile debate on occasion and I can see where someone might consider that difficult. But I would not term those discussions rude.

[Angeleyes1437]

Originally Posted by CyberKitten

Do you mean on this Board specifically? The question is not clear (and written like a new university student with "like" in it - I'd have send it back is domeone sent that in to me, not that I see too much undergrad work.

And it's not mutually exclusive or exhaustive so none of the replies applies to how I feel.

Thus, I did not respond to it.

And please don't take my unsoliticted advice as rude - You may not have much experience in questionnnaire design and are doing the best you can and in that event, I guess the topic does arise from time to time. I myself am abyssal at keyboarding and do not mind people offering me advice - it's not my forte and I have no plans to study it but if anyone wants to crtique it, it does not bother me.

I can't honestly agree that people here are rude. Every now and then someone will say something that is hurtful or comes across as somewhat on the mean side but I figure maybe they've had a bad day - which we are all entitled to or they just are not the sort of person I do not want to know. Given that it is a public Board and one has the option to join or not to join, I can decide whether I want to respnd to that person. Sometimes, if someone makes a comment I deem politically incorrect or hurtful, I will tell them how I fell. Most of the time, they are gracious about it. If they are not, they says more about them yet again.

I do not like rude people (can barely abide them the truth be known) and if I thought this was a chracteristic that delinated this site, I would not frequent the place. But it is not something I experience often here. We do have strong opinions on this site but we are all very vocal and dedicated lobbyists on behalf of our pets. That is bound to elicit very volitile debate on occasion and I can see where someone might consider that difficult. But I would not term those discussions rude.

Sorry if I used "like" too much for you to understand, yet nobody else had a problem. I tend to do that when I speak to friends... however you quickly reminded that I am not speaking to friends. Thank you.

[Beaglemom]

I agree that at times things can get a bit heated/nasty. Personally, I can only remember one time that I've felt attacked.

I think that this is a very informative site. There are many knowledgeable people here who are willing to take time out of their busy days to offer their advise. It can be very upsetting when you offer advise and then the OP just completely ignores it or gets mad at you because it isn't what they wanted to hear. It's also very frustrating when someone posts about a very obviously distressed animal and instead of rushing their pet to an emergency vet, they take the time to post here and wait for peoples' advise.

I think the mods have been doing a great job at trying to keep everything civil. I'm not sure what else they can do except give everyone a warning that certain things are just not tolerated and may be getting out of line. I believe there already is a sticky about the rules including the name calling.

[jessi76]

Originally Posted by CyberKitten

Do you mean on this Board specifically? The question is not clear (and written like a new university student with "like" in it - I'd have send it back is domeone sent that in to me, not that I see too much undergrad work.

sorry if this is "rude", but that's kinda funny. don't pick on someone's writing style and then type things LIKE "is domeone".

[JDG]

yes. People are too rude to each other, and for really the first time today- I was rude to someone on the forum.

The truth of the matter is the people who often come across as rude, or brash or short with people are the people who day after day, week after week, month after month have to post the same darn thing over and over and over again.

I think a sticky about the general views of the site, such as Spay and Neuter, no declawing, no puppy Mills /BYB, no BSL etc should be available on every board all the time

That way people logging onto the forum can get a feel for the jive of the place, and to *hopefully* reduce the number of times people have to give the speel about some of the above topics.

Another thing that we could do is to make those general views a *must read* portion of the registration to sign up for the site.


I must be honest, though, there are some certain people who are consistanly rude that I love!! I search out their posts for giggles . . . . i know thats kinda mean of me . . ..

[Melinda]

Originally Posted by Angeleyes1437

People who troll are people who just want to fight or get everyone mad. For instance it's like someone going into the BSL thread and saying "ALL PIT BULL BREEDS ROTTIES AND DOBERMANS SHOULD DIE!!!" because we would all flip out in anger. Sometimes people even create a new name to troll and then use their regular name to make good points and look good to others. It's quite insane! lol. Trolling basically is instigating...that's pretty much the best explanation for it IMO.

Thank you Angeleyes, I guess I can stop looking for the little naked creatures now *L*, I think the only breed that should be destroyed is trolls *L* , ok, maybe we can just muzzle them?

[Angeleyes1437]

Originally Posted by jessi76

sorry if this is "rude", but that's kinda funny. don't pick on someone's writing style and then type things LIKE "is domeone".

I was going to point that out but didn't want to start a big war... thanks for doing it for me! You're the best! lol.

[Angeleyes1437]

Originally Posted by Melinda

Thank you Angeleyes, I guess I can stop looking for the little naked creatures now *L*, I think the only breed that should be destroyed is trolls *L* , ok, maybe we can just muzzle them?

Yes lets muzzle trolls... I've already seen one in this thread!

lol

[CyberKitten]

Re: Sorry if I used "like" too much for you to understand, yet nobody else had a problem. I tend to do that when I speak to friends... however you quickly reminded that I am not speaking to friends. Thank you.

Now, see. that comment was nasty. I was neither rude nor nasty, simply pointing out something - as people do all the time to me. I don't mind - I'd better get used to it in my work, lol - and since I teach med students, it is an occupational hazard to want to help by showing others. You took what I said the wrong way and decided to hurt my feelings. That is what I call rude, nasty and probably even immature. Maybe that last sentence could be construed as rude but I do not understand why you had to be so rude to me. I thought I was being truly helpful (I often help design surveys and do not mind being asked for assistance. Clearly, you do not like unasked for advice even if it was meant in a kind way.) Can I ask why you had to respond so nastily? I did nothing to deserve that response and you surely know that. Why would you act that way when you are complaining about rudeness. Up till now, I have not encountered too much rudeness but you fit the bill. And I can hardly be your friend - I do not know you. I do have many friends here but I have met and come to know them in the many months I have been here. It takes time to build a relationship and you do not do it slamming people unecessarily.

I just thought you could have included a line for everyone and you excluded what I would have responded. That is all I was trying to say. You need to take into account every possible answer if you design that kind of question. It's not rocket science. Gawd!

[Writing4Fun]

Sorry, CK, but I have to side with Angeleyes on this one (even though you know I still love ya ). Your post did come across a little demeaning - as if you were inferring she's uneducated or inferior. A simple "Hey, Angel, you need a "none of the above" in your list of choices" would have sufficed.

[Sneaky2006]

Originally Posted by CyberKitten

Do you mean on this Board specifically? The question is not clear (and written like a new university student with "like" in it - I'd have send it back is domeone sent that in to me, not that I see too much undergrad work.

And it's not mutually exclusive or exhaustive so none of the replies applies to how I feel.

Thus, I did not respond to it.

Hmmm, it seems to me that you only had to say the "like" part because it was yet another opportunity to throw in a line about what you do for a living.

Clearly, you do not like unasked for advice even if it was meant in a kind way.

Saying she used the word like, that she's writing like a new student, and that you would've sent her work back because of it? How is that kind?
I can't believe you said that on a thread about people being RUDE?!

I didn't vote, because it won't matter. The people who really need their butts kicked to the curb never will be (I don't mean CK). That's life.

[Prin]

CK-- It's absolutely impossible to get EVERYBODY's possible answer in a poll. It's a basic poll and if the answer you like is not there, don't vote. Simple as that. I thought it was quite ironic how you started thrashing Angeleyes1437 in a poll that was exactly about that. It was a condescending post and had it been my thread, I would have reacted the same way. Why should she have to be so formal? Is this Forum Boot-Camp? I thought this was a hobby? Something to do for fun?

As for getting thrashed and being spoken to rudely, I would have to say once in a while it happens, but it's mostly in the writing. Like Cactus Flower says, it's text in a page. You read it with the tone that is in your head, not the tone from the text-- there is none there. It's like poetry, everyone reads it with a different perspective. I don't take offense when some one grills into me because usually it sorts itself out nicely.

I took out my age in my profile in part because people do read the responses and then right away jump to the age. Once they figure out you're under 30, they get condescending. I have seen it happen a lot in the past few weeks. You may be older, but that doesn't mean we haven't lived. There are 60 year olds buying from pet stores and 14 year olds who know better. Age is a number and my god, it's important to the elders. Please try not to look at the person's age and respond according to what year you see. I hate that.

[Schwinn]

I think that debate and yes, sometimes arguements, can be good and healthy. But I do think that there are those on this board who sometimes forget that not everyone has the same level of knowledge. We are sometimes too quick to jump to conclusions when someone asks a question. I think we need to take a step back once in a while and remember that not everyone has all the information, and that when someone says something that goes against the general grain of the board, we need to take a deep breath and find out why the person is saying what they are saying before we chase them off. I think this may be one reason why we see so many members listed, yet it seems to be the same small group constantly posting.